I think that lots of us wrestle with prayer. A friend of mine has been separated from her husband for several years, and has prayed that God would reunite them. She hasn’t seen any movement on the issue and her husband seems to be moving on. She asked me “At what point should I stop praying for my desire and simply ask for acceptance of the situation?”  Tough question.  Equally as difficult are the questions about illness and dying – our own or that of a loved one. At what point do we move from prayers for healing and a cure of a serious illness, and begin to ask God for a peaceful and happy death?  Just like in life, so too we are often betwixt and between in prayer.  It seems to me that when praying for personal concerns, two questions often confuse us. 

– How persistent should we be in prayer, and

– How boldly should we pray

How long should we persist in making a request to God? For some it seems like we reach a point when persevering in prayer amounts to pestering God, being overly pushy – or worse yet, is it a case of  refusing to accept God’s will? When does persistent praying indicate faith, and when does it indicate a  stubbornness bent on changing God instead of ourselves?

We persist because we do not sense that an answer seems forthcoming, and we begin to feel uneasy in continuing to raise a request to God. The longer we go without an answer the more we begin to either question God or question whether our desires are aligned with God’s will. But we should remember that persistence has more to do with us than with God.  As the first reading reminds us God heard the prayers of Abraham – in the dialogue of prayer Abraham gained clarity about the person of God – moving from justice, to mercy and then to the love of God.  In his persistence, Abraham gained insight into God’s will.  So too our persistence in prayer – it has to do with helping us clarify and intensify our needs, and clarify to our understanding of God’s will for us

Any prayer – even for a purely personal desire – has the good effect of putting us in communication with God wherein God can influence our thoughts and feelings. Through continually bringing a desire to God in prayer, We put ourselves in the best position for God to change our desires to ones more suited to the true need – perhaps changing a want to a need along the way.

Indeed, one of the great benefits of continuing prayer is that through it our desires become clarified and refined. Some grow stronger. Others fade away, and we’re grateful that God refrained from answering them!

The second question is how boldly we should frame our requests to God. Should we straightforwardly tell God what we wish him to do, and leave it at that? 

My friend Kim has a tendency to shy away from boldness. She once said, “The cocker spaniel is the most popular dog in all the world…. In some places.”  All kinds of doubt in that little add-on to the declaration. We as Christians wrestle with that same dynamic.  “Lord this I what I desire….. if it be your will.”  What does that addendum say about our prayer?

Are we unsure? Of little faith?  Tentative?  Think we are not deserving? Are we hedging our bets?  Are we making sure that if God does not answer our prayers the way we want we have an escape clause for God and for ourselves? Or is it that qualifying a prayer with “if it is your will” shows reverence and openness to God’s will.   Our single greatest need in the Christian life is to seek God’s will and submit to it.   Hard to know: uncertainty or reverence, escape clause or openness to God’s will.  What we do know is that Scripture, again and again, tells us that God is ready to give us what we need – all we have to do is ASK, SEEK, KNOCK and it shall be given.

St. Paul prayed in such a straightforward manner when he asked God to remove the thorn from his side (2 Cor 12:7-9). He “pleaded with the Lord” three times to take it away. His prayer wasn’t provisional in any way. He begged God to remove the thorn, and persisted until God responded – and the Greek word for God’s response implies a firm, irrevocable reply. 

God finally said no. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you,’” At this point, Paul ceased petitioning and rejoiced in God’s answer. I would suggest that the persistence and boldness in prayer lead to the experience of freedom in prayer.

A freedom in which we are no longer burdened with

• A lack of clarity about our own desires – praying so that right-ordered desires are strengthened and other desires fade
• Unburdened with Doubt about God’s will for us – then we understand our role in the Divine Will and are open to doing that will

And none of this comes about in a day.  Freedom in prayer is the fruit of a lifetime of prayer.  A lifetime of bringing our prayers before God during the easy, the settled times – all building trust in the love and mercy of God.  Then when the hard times fall upon us, then we are free to pray with persistence, boldness … With a great freedom to word our requests to God reverently but without provisions. 

The life, the habit of prayer brings about a clarity, wisdom and the grace of God and prepares to ever more be open to receive God’s answer – and like St. Paul it may be “No.”  Maybe it is our heart’s desire.  And just maybe it is an answer we never envisioned.

If the answer to prayer is “No,” your heart’s desire, or an answer that  surprises – may your life of prayer ever lead you, like St Paul, to rejoice in God’s reply.

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