As a Catholic priest I have done my fair share of weddings. It is a honor to help prepare the couples and to celebrate with them – and you get to meet some really nice couples and their families. Over the years I have also seen the pre-wedding day traditions change and the costs of the wedding (dinners, receptions, etc) grow in size and cost.
One parish at which I served was celebrating the history of the parish (begun in the 1860s) with a retrospective of couple’s wedding pictures. There was a wonderful response as we received copies of wedding pictures that went back into the 19th century. One noticeable feature was that prior to the 1970s, the majority of the couples wore other-than traditional wedding dresses and tuxedos. It was a business suit for the groom and an attractive dress/ensemble for the bride. It was only in the 70s that the white gown/tuxedo became the norm – at least in the collection of photographs we collected.
The whole “wedding” program has changed. The traditional bachelor/bachelorette party has morphed from a single night out to a week long excursion to a resort. Couples now take dance lesson together. The wedding team includes coordinators, a team of photographers and videographers, and a DJ to choreograph the reception. And you might be reading this and adding to your own list of items I have not mentioned.
I mention all this because in an article that appear in the morning news, a Houston couple completed all their planning for their $100,000 wedding and when they sent out the invitations, “tickets” to the wedding/reception were $450 per person. They have not heard back from many of the 125 wedding guests and are confused. The couple’s logic was these same invited guests had spent far more for concerts and events. But then the question becomes “are you inviting people to witness and celebrate the wedding and the start of a new family or are you offering up an experience.” It seems to me it hovers on the margins of the meaning of friends and customers.
There’s an assumption that we must have weddings with all the attending new traditions. You can have simpler celebrations with more intimate and fewer guests. It was the norm many years ago … actually not that long ago. During the pandemic, we found other ways to celebrate. “Wednesday night” with a priest, the couple and two witnesses. It was all very simple, solemn and sacramental.
Image credit: Pexels, CC-BY
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Our Maddie just got engaged to a nice Jesuit guy who Annmarie and I both love. It was interesting to see them attending weddings over the last couple years and planning their own! I also have been watching the endless weeks and weekends where they spent money they didn’t necessarily have for weekend bachelorette and bachelor parties that went from 3-5 days on an Island, Nashville, and Vegas – just to name a few.
I’ve seen them travel out of the country to attend “destination” weddings.
The good news is that, so far the most important thing to them is to get married in Sacred Heart Church and raise their children Catholic.
I HAVE been puzzled about all the fanfare since High School that I have watched. They no longer get nervous and just ask somebody to their Prom – it has to be a “special experience”. Even getting engaged has to happen at a beach or in the mountains with a photographer standing by. (I asked Annmarie on Christmas in my NJ tiny apartment lol).
Even having a baby has turned into a “reveal” event with the ever-present photographer.
I blame iPhone for some of this, but mostly it feels like pride and ego takes a front seat to important moments in their lives, and everything as you said must be an experience.
I am hoping (and will be preaching!- or “gently persuading 🙂 that in their case, the niceties of a wedding take a backseat to the only sacrament we give each other – become one person in marriage and Christ.
But the checkbook is waiting to take a bruising 🙂