Day in and day out, we encounter all sorts of people. And if we’re being candid, we don’t feel the same way about all of them. At least for purposes of this homily, let’s consider them as sorted into four groups.
The first group is made up of people we genuinely like. It is easy to be in their company. We enjoy and look forward to spending time with them. You know, they make life a little brighter.
The second group is made up of good people who know and generally like. We get along well enough even though they have their quirks. But hey, who doesn’t; it’s part of their uniqueness. And yes, from time to time they may test our patience, but, you know, all-in-all, we’re happy to have them in our lives.
Group three might consist of a good percentage of the people we know. If we are honest, we are sort of neutral towards them. Don’t get me wrong, they are good folks. We know them through work, serving together committees, we see them at church and around the neighborhood. Our paths cross when circumstances bring us together, and then we go about our separate lives. We have no particular feelings about them one way or the other.
And then there’s the fourth group. When we see them coming we might hold our breath, and say a prayer that the most we need to say, “Hi. How’s it going?” And hope they don’t answer in detail or length. What is it about them that just rubs us the wrong way? Let’s have a show of hands. Am I in any one’s group four?
These imaginary four groups are what makes today’s Gospel so interesting because Jesus gives us exactly the same commandment concerning every one of those people: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Not just the people we enjoy, get along with or who make our lives easier. Everyone.
“You shall like the ones who occasionally test our patience, the ones we are rather pell-mell about, and the people we don’t even particularly like.” We weren’t asked to like anyone. We were asked to love them. Like and love ain’t the same thing.
Br. Juniper Capice tells the story of another friar who tormented him all through the years of formation just making his life miserable. Juniper really disliked the guy. And as fate would have it, several years later they were stationed together. The other friar had cascading medical problems and Juniper was assigned to take care of him, take him to medical appointments, run errands, check in on him and the like. All the while the man made Juniper’s life miserable. Juniper was there at his bedside when he passed away. I heard Juniper tell the story the same way every time. He’d take his pipe out of his mouth, use it as a pointer and say, “I never did like that guy. But I loved him.”
Love may or may not have affection. But the love Jesus asks of us is, regardless of how we feel, to seek the good of the other person. All those folks in the four groups? We are not going to feel the same about each one, but we are commanded to love them. Our challenge is to figure out how.
The first will be easy. We already like them and it is easy to do and want good things for people we like. Sure, it might require some sacrifice, but we are happy to do it.
The second group won’t be as easy, but certainly doable. Now we have to be a little more intentional about our choices. Think how often people we like well enough but some days their quirks get to us, under our skin. Those are the moments love asks us to be patient and overlook the quirk rather than start a kerfuffle. It is still the same commandment but it is starting to demand a little more from us.
Maybe group three is the one that will take the most conscious effort. There are the folks that are not on our radar. There is one of them just a few pews behind you. They are the folks that clean your office building. They are the cashiers. They are the waiters who fill your water glass at the restaurant. You say thank you but never look at them. We were cordial, but have we loved them? We probably all need some time to think about that one. Maybe we overthink it. Maybe we just need to pay attention, greet them by their name even if we had to read it off their nametag. Sometimes love begins when we invite people to be more than part of the scenery of our lives.
And then, of course, there’s the fourth group. This is Juniper’s story. He never liked the guy, but chose to be kind, treat him with dignity, serve him, and pray for him. Not one of those things requires affection. He didn’t like him, but he loved him. Loving didn’t mean approving of everything the guy did. Sometimes Juniper was honest and set boundaries. Sometimes he said “no.”
Jesus’ commandment doesn’t change as we encounter folks from the different groups. It is my experience that the intentionality and effort required to love certainly changes. Meanwhile the commandment remains the same.
And perhaps that’s why Jesus gives us two commandments in today’s Gospel, not just one. “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” and “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The second is like the first and as such belong together. The goal is that love of neighbor flows from our love of God – especially in the times when our own capacity to love bottoms out. Patience has evaporated, feelings are rising, and our energy and willingness are fast fading.
I think those are the moments when our life of prayer, reflection, and the Eucharist allow us to overcome our natural human inclinations. It is the grace of the Sacraments and the work of the Holy Spirit that keeps us mindful and intentional, giving us glimpses of how God sees others. It is the life in grace that allows God’s love to transform us and the way we encounter others.
At the end of Mass we are all sent out to face those challenges, but before that, in the Eucharist, we will encounter the One who has loved us first. We will receive the love we are called to give. And then be sent.
Into the world armed by today’s gospel message that may make us a wee more patient, less focused on our feelings, and more willing to make an effort to love – and with a better understanding of what love calls us to do.
All manner of things might well change this week. But the commandment doesn’t change. “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
Image credit: The Pharisees Question Jesus (Les pharisiens questionnent Jésus), James Tissot, 1886-1894, Brooklyn Museum, PD-US
